Trying hard to smile
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
With DENVER PRIDEFEST being last weekend one would think I would be having an easier time smiling. I had a great time shopping with my good friend Drew and BF RJ. The three of us had a great day antiquing and visiting the Denver Zoo (even though we missed it the first day cus I couldn't find my exit). Yes we missed the first 7/8 of the pride parade, but we spent more time in the park looking at things we weren't going to buy than I ever have before. All in all it was a good weekend. Work is going ok, I have awesome friends, and life is generally good.
However, something is still not correct. Maybe it is because I missed the dykes on bikes this year at the start of the parade. Maybe I needed to see the PFLAG contingency again this year. They always give me hope. But no, I think there is something bigger. Maybe I now know what my ancestors felt like when Hitler came to power. Like our several near passages of hate crimes laws they had seen the near overturn of a law making sex between consenting males illegal. Like the promise of Mary Cheney as an out advocate in the Bush/Cheney '00 ticket they had Ernst Rohm a very out gay man at Hitler's side. Now we too are seeing crack downs on our way of life. We are seeing small bones like hate crimes laws thrown our way only to see policies like abstinence only education coughed back at us. (If you care how that is Hitler-esque see my previous entry) There are counties today trying to outlaw being gay within their boundaries. Men don't carry your wife's checkbook, this has witch hunt written all over it to me. Then again, in Nazi Germany if your neighbor hated you he could say your propositioned him and away you went to prison.
I guess maybe the part that is different for me this year, is that I am not as proud to be gay as I have been in the past. Sure I still celebrate my own reasons for being proud. I have done several things in the name of GLBT rights here at UW, and I am not about to stop. (Even if the RRC decided they were going to report the findings of the GLBT studies report to the Deans and Directors without me).
The difference this year is, for the first time, I am afraid to be gay. I thought a lot harder about the last panel presentation I did than I have thought about the last 12. The political climate is changing, rapidly. People who normally would live and let live are speaking up and saying some scary things. Part of me sees the rapid moves president (no caps for a reason) G.W. Bush and other conservative leaders are making as evidence that even they know they are on their way out and want to make changes fast. They are desperate. Part of me is afraid of that very desperation.
Hold on to your seats girls, it is going to be a bumpy ride.
posted by ZEUS @ 1:58 PM,
4 Comments:
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At 2:25 PM,
ZEUS said...
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Anyone notice how therapudic this can be? Or how bad my grammar is?
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At 6:00 PM,
Nerdygirl said...
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Sweetie that would be at least one of the purposes.
We will be as we are and if that should envoke hatred or backlash we will not stop. Stopping means defeat. -
At 9:52 PM,
Linus said...
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I used to compete in Judo back in the day. (This is relevant, I promise...) One of the ways to win was by submission - in other words, you choke your opponent until he decides that the struggle is too expensive to continue. As you choked him his struggles became more frantic, and in those last few seconds of conciousness his flailings were the most brutal.
I take the current crap that the Right is dishing out as evidence that they are losing ground; they are being choked out, and they know it. Don't loosen your grip, and put them out of our misery! -
At 9:01 AM,
ZEUS said...
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I know I am paraphrasing a movie quotation here, (although anymore is there anything prophetic that doesn't come from the movies) so do your best to follow me. . "Even heros are scared sometimes"
I definately wanna be a hero, if for noone else but myself. That, and the mental immage of choking the life out of GWB and Unkie Freddy - mmmmmm SQUEEZE
